By Mike Friesen

“You were in the wrong place at the wrong time,” the flight lead barked at me in the debriefing. I already knew that but how could I improve for the next time? We had gone out on what was to have been a routine “Dart ride” where we live-fired the gun against a towed target. My brain fade this day was especially dangerous because of real bullets. As a new mission-ready pilot to the F-4, I was still adjusting to flying with a group of very experienced but non-instructor type of pilots. Still, by any standard, this flight had not gone well.

One of the skills required of a fighter pilot is to predict geometry and fly accordingly. I had calculated inadequately and arrived in an unsafe position relative to the other airplanes. The debriefing did not help much as it was long on my failings and short on repair techniques. However, what happened next was very useful.

One of the experienced pilots took me aside and described what I had done, what I should have done, and, most importantly, why. His straight-forward explanation made great sense and it worked on my next flight! Rather than being a hazard to the several airplanes swirling in the sky, I was part of the team. The counsel of the more experienced pilot was invaluable although it clashed with my previous mindset. I was then required to make a decision on whether or not to change how I saw the issues and chose the improvement course.

A few years later in an F-15, I finished a fight with a tracking gun kill on the opponent. This is considered a macho way to dispatch a bad guy and made the many hours leading up to the moment all worthwhile. On this day in the debriefing, another experienced pilot was very complimentary of my contribution to the mission. The encouragement I received that day from the other pilot in the flight was very gratifying. I had produced a desirable result while honoring expectations and took a few moments to enjoy the fruits of learning.

There is a time for both counsel and encouragement. Counsel will likely produce a collision of paradigms. If the hearers are open to improvement, the counsel is put to good use to examine current mindsets and adjust as needed. If good counsel is rejected, growth will not happen.

In most learning environments, the conversations should be weighted to the counsel side but encouragement must not be neglected. Each of us has some need to be recognized at least in some small way. Counsel can be the strong meat for improvement and encouragement can be the spice that makes the dish taste so much better.

As an upgrading pilot moving from the F-4 to F-15, I had the chance to fly with an instructor who found a great balance of counsel and encouragement. He was very exacting in his expectations and there was nothing soft about his standards. On the other hand, he consistently pointed out successes in the building block flights that fueled my motivation exponentially. One of the questions we ask in the military is, “Would I be willing to go with this person into combat?” The answer speaks volumes. In the case of this instructor, it would have been my honor to team up with him in combat.

Here are some application thoughts for the leadership thinker.

1. Know the difference between counsel and encouragement. Counsel is the meeting of diverse paradigms which in turn urges the participants to explore underlying explanations. Encouragement is the alignment of two or more mental maps or the suspension of a mindset in order to give support. This may reinforce a learning point but will not foster as much growth as counsel. Here are some questions to help. Am I looking more for an ally instead of improvement to a product, process or plan? Will I be overly shocked at a counter point or welcome the interaction? Am I willing to allow someone else’s finger prints on my initiative?

If you want a yes-person’s input, just ask for support, encouragement, or reassurance – not input. You will actually gain trust by being honest in your request. If you ask for input, be ready to hear disagreeing words and reward that behavior if you want such assistance in the future.

2. Seek counsel in order to grow as a leadership student. Engaging in genuine, open dialogue is a guaranteed way to uncover, examine, and improve paradigms. This in turn will ensure a broadened perspective and continuous improvement as a learning leader. It is challenging to suspend assumptions to hear another point of view but the effort pays great dividends. The aspiring leader’s goal should be to approximate reality as much as possible on any issue and this requires looking for dissimilar perspectives. Not all counsel will be useful but at least take it in and evaluate compared with principles. Here are two examples.

I once asked for and received input on a plan to streamline office processes. Several of us discussed this idea and it went a different direction than I had expected but it was better than my original idea. Upon presenting this plan to the wider audience in the office, one individual said, “You will fail.” This set me back momentarily so I re-evaluated the process and plan. In fact, we had arrived at the solution properly and the so-called counsel was based on a person’s hidden agenda and not for the good of the organization. By the way … the initiative did not fail.

I worked with one team member who I could count on to call me on any dumb ideas. His style was to approach me one-on-one in my office and diplomatically but directly explain the short-sightedness of my plan. The first few times, I found the practice annoying but I quickly grew to value the input as we improved team solutions based on these honest conversations. It also made his encouragement more important as I knew he was completely genuine in his support. I often think of this man’s example when needing to give honest feedback I know will cause controversy.

3. Let encouragement arrive unsolicited as much as possible. Receiving encouragement or recognition is a human need. In fact, it is appropriate at times to ask for reassurance from a spouse or confidante. It is ideal to keep the requests for encouragement at a moderate level. If I need too much encouragement, there is probably an unmet need for approval that indicates a self-esteem problem. It may also indicate a love for status quo and this is the anathema to leadership. If I am producing leadership results in a principled environment, I will not lack for encouragement.

4. Give counsel based on conscience. This means carefully consider timing, issue significance, and openness of the hearer. This does not mean be timid about giving counsel but rather intentional. This is about being real and generating trust. The best counsel is given at least implicitly in context of the larger organization, whether it is a family, team, company or other organization. Counsel is about making the environment better. Counsel is focused on fostering positive, long-term results and is not beating someone over the head for sport.

5. Give encouragement only when you can do so genuinely. Given appropriately, specific encouragement will foster intrinsic motivation in others. Conversely, most people can smell flattery or fake praise and this approach will make future words less and less meaningful.

Encouragement and counsel both have a role to play in the leader’s toolbox. Just be certain to clearly understand each concept and know when and where to use properly. What is the bottom line? Value diverse perspectives.

E-mail contact: LSInfo@LeadingStrategies.net

Copyright © 2008 Mike Friesen. All rights reserved.